Wonderland
by Ichabod Viktor Cowler
Summary: Alice's sanity has broken and shattered. Her only home is the Rutledge Aslyum. But could Wonderland be her only sanctuary? Or is it her living hell of madness.
1. Chapter 1

**_Wonderland_**

_By Ichabod Cowler _

Prologue: Everything is Fine...

May 13, 1862

Alice sat along the edge of the riverbank with her sister, Lorina, with their cat, Dinah. The water felt cool and relaxing, flowing through Alice's fingertips, as she heard the sounds of birds singing. Dinah was curled up by her side, purring and sleeping peacefully in the tall green grass, with brightly colored flowers being pulled lightly in the wind as it ran about smoothly on her fur. "Alice, are you listening?" Lorina asked her sister, slightly annoyed. "Alice, you said you wanted me to read _A Christmas Carol_ to you, did you not? If you wanted to hear it, I suggest you at least pay attention." Lorina was very patient with Alice, like their father and mother, but it was almost as if it were her occupation to have a little less patience then Henry and his wife.

"I'm sorry, sister, but I thought it would be a fun story!" Alice said, in a somewhat displeased tone.

"Alice, what could possibly be fun about ghosts haunting an old man during a joyous holiday?" "Because it's about ghosts and phantoms! I thought for certain that there would be plenty of moments where the ghosts would do very interesting things like blowing up or spinning in midair. I see that I was wrong, though." Lorina laughed slightly at her sister's behavior and innocence, "Well, you ought to know that Mr. Charles Dickens is a lovely author and very mature; something I hope you will be one day." "Well, being mature doesn't sound very interesting, my sister".

Alice was only 10 years old at this time, her sister 13; therefore Alice was expected to listen to her older sister. And Alice did respect her elders very much, but this would not cease her from being her fantasy enthralled self, who wanted nothing more than to hear of fantastical stories right from the beginning, which would irritate those older than her to some degree. "Alice," said her sister, "you have to learn what the real world is like someday." "And you, who read ghost stories, don't have to?" said Alice, somewhat teasingly. "That is a different matter!" Lorina stated back. "Just because I read it doesn't mean that I believe in it. Now do you wish for me to read it to you or not?" Lorina was obviously starting to lose her patience.

"No please, sister. I change my mind. It isn't interesting at all" Alice replied courteously. "Alice, I've only read the first chapter. Do you expect this to be interesting from the start?" "Yes, actually." Lorina laughed again in amusement to Alice's candor, "Well, that isn't how a story should work normally. A story has to begin somewhere and get more interesting as it goes along. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sister" Alice lied. "Good. Well, I won't read any more to you, if that is what you want". Alice was perfectly content with this, though Lorina may have expected a change in Alice, prompting her to want to hear more of the story. "Well, perhaps it wasn't the story that wasn't interesting." Alice began teasingly. "Than what would be uninteresting about Charles Dickens?" Lorina said suspiciously, expecting a teasing insult. "Oh, I shan't know, dearest sister" Alice lied once more, thinking that instead of _A Christmas Carol_ being uninteresting, it was rather the way that the sister was telling the story. But to prevent herself from being rude and disrespectful to her elder sister, she thought it wise to keep quiet and not upset her sister furthermore.

While the wind brushed their hair and fur wildly and commanded the flowers and the grass to dance about them, Alice, Dinah, and Lorina all began to feel so weary and drowsy. Life seemed so perfectly fine and contempt for them, as if nothing would really spoil their lives as it was now. However, as she began to rest her eyes for the cool wind to pass through her eyelids, she couldn't help but think that there was something that was meant to be happening right now. She suddenly realized and woke her sister. "Oh! Alice!" Lorina shouted, pushing her younger sibling awake. She pulled out the little golden pocket-watch that her father had given her. It was half-past 4. "Come now, Alice! We won't want to be late!"

Alice and Lorina began running and giggling and laughing, rushing through a small forest of Larches and Pine trees. Their childhood, though Lorina was older at the age of 13, was still intact and still kept so keen and adventurous, even if Lorina focused more on behaving properly like a lady so that she may become a Lady to a Prince. But that would be years away from now, therefore, would it be logical to behave exactly like a Lady at the age of 13 when one should be cheerful and innocent at such a young age. Just like her little sister, Alice. And even if Lorina had mentioned to Alice before that the world of faerie tales and fantastical creatures was not real and therefore shouldn't be paid any responsiveness, Lorina admired her younger sister for having an open mind to the possibilities of a child's imagination; something Lorina thought that she had begun losing.

Alice, Dinah, and Lorina hopped, jumped, ran, and skipped along alternatingly.

"Who are these people, Lorina?" Alice asked happily. "I don't know, father said that they are friends of the University and at the Church!" "And we shall meet Edith and father there?" "Yes, but father will not be there for long! Hurry up, Alice; we won't want to be late!" Lorina was ahead of Alice, running as fast as she could to the spot where their father, Henry, had wanted the two girls to meet in the afternoon. Alice ran as fast as she could, but somehow couldn't keep up with her sister. Shortly afterwards, Alice's echoes of laughter and cheer reverberating throughout the forest would become cries of help and fear and worry.

Alice began losing her breath, trying to slow down a tad so as not to wear herself out. But even that began hurting, as her legs now felt weak and lifeless, her feet cramping as if rocks were pushing in on every side of them, and her heart pounding up to her throat, as if she was either going to be sick or she was crying as if she had her most cherished thing taken away from her. She stopped and tried catching her breath, feeling as though she might pass out at any moment. She did what her mother told her to do if something like this should happen, she kneeled down (making sure to keep her skirt as clean as possible), and pressed her hand to her head gently. She then began spitting out onto the dirt around her, trying to keep the phlegm from her mouth out. She was so afraid that she would pass out here and be taken by a serpent or a bird as food or as a baby.

About ten minutes later, Alice felt better physically. The phlegm from her mouth had all gone away; she had coughed as much as she could have, and her legs now felt much better, as if she could actually walk again. Although, that did not better the circumstances of this situation. Alice was now, in fact, maybe a bite more terrified rather than she was before. Now Alice was awake and fully conscious. Any animal could jump out and attack her, eat her, bite her, slaughter her. She was hopeless. Alice began crying slightly at the realization of this. She was all alone and would be eaten by a bear or bitten by a serpent or perhaps chewed upon by eagles. To Alice, anything was possible.

Alice began running, crying and shouting out "Lorina!! Lorina!!" But there were no answers to her cries. The forest no longer felt bright and short and lively, only dark and desolate and summoning. Alice ran as far and as fast as her legs were able to, as though something was running after her. But no matter how far she ran, the beast or animal never stopped and never ran out of breath. Alice couldn't run, Alice couldn't hop, and Alice couldn't jump fast enough from her approaching doom. Every tree branch around her seemed to pull her back with a strange summoning or a strange plead that Alice could not understand. Alice thought she would be eaten surely, by an eagle or a lion or a monster. She cried and closed her eyes to get away; hoping that only remembering her good life would be a good way to end up in a stomach.

Alice then saw the light of sun, as she ran out of the woods with tears streaming her face.

She opened her eyes to the nearly blinding sunlight, as middle-aged man came up to her, her father, Henry. Henry had the appearance of Dom Claude Frollo, in the sense that he looked as though he was nearly 80, though he was only 51 at the time. His hair had grown white and short while being somewhat bushy, which was all mostly at the side of his head, as the top was completely covered with smooth, tan skin. His eyes had wide bags underneath them as they squinted tightly, and his nose almost like that of a tiny vulture's beak. He ran towards Alice, holding her close. "Alice, my dear! Whatever is the matter!?"

Alice realized quickly that she was in front of Edith, Lorina, her father, and the two young gentlemen that her father was speaking about. _"How foolish of me,"_ Alice thought,_ "to cry in front of my younger sister! I must set a good example!"_ Alice quickly began wiping the tears from her face, trying to overcome her horrendous, however irrational, fears. "I am sorry, father. I had stopped to catch my breath and I got lost. I'm sorry, father! And I'm sorry to Lorina for not paying attention." Lorina was by her side, along with the others at this moment, and helped her up. "Its fine, sister. I apologize for not waiting up for you." One of the young gentleman, who seemed to have dark brown hair and small, low eyes, smiled warmly at the sight of the two sisters getting along.

Edith said nothing and only stood there behind her father, very nervous at the age of 8 and quite shy and enclosed. The other young gentleman only stood beside the other one with dark brown hair, with a look of concern towards Alice. The other young gentleman had more hair than father, though still somewhat grayed from time. His body was a tad thicker than Henry, as he also had signs of sideburns and a more round nose that Henry did not have. "Oh, Alice, the bottom of your dress is covered in dirt! What have I told you about that?" "I'm sorry father. I had to bend down to catch my breath." Henry wasn't disappointed necessarily, just slightly embarrassed. He figured it would be best to begin the introductions.

The environment seemed clearer to Alice as she stared around, looking at her surroundings. The grass was still glowing green, the woods still light brown and green, all on a summer's day. There was a river close by them, the River Thames. _"Why would father have us meet out at the River Thames?"_ Alice wondered to herself. Father began the introductions: "Girls, these are two friends of mine. Mr. Charles Dodgson, a photographer, author, and fellow Anglican clergyman." Henry said, presenting the young dark-brown haired man with the small eyes. "You might remember that we were walking by and found him taking photos of our church?" "Yes father", the girls said in unison. "And here," Henry began again, "this fine gentleman is Reverend Robinson Duckworth, Doctor of Divinity. Another fellow clergyman." Both of the men smiled and bowed down to the girls respectively. "Mr. Dodgson and Mr. Duckworth, these are my lovely young daughters, in order of age, Lorina, Alice, and Edith." The girls curtseyed when their names were called, respectively in return.

"Father, if you'll forgive me for interrupting, why have we come here to meet these people?" Edith asked sheepishly. "I was just about to get to that, dear. Mr. Dodgson, as I have said, is an author, and he and Reverend Duckworth wanted to write a story. And they thought of talking to every person they could to help give them inspiration and ideas for the story. They said they would be delighted to hear from you 3 first, if that's quite alright." The idea sounded marvelous to Alice and Lorina and Edith (though Edith may have been a bit more frightened if it were all a lie). This immediately changed Alice's terrified mood into pure joy and excitedness.

The girls all agreed, with stars of hope and childlike ecstasy in their eyes. The prospect of making a story that everyone could read and look to them at was such a marvelous idea! Now their friends would have all the envy of seeing them in a book each of their own. Even their younger sister, Rhoda, may have the envy of seeing them in a book. Lorina could tell tales of kittens and life and romance. Edith could tell stories of sheep and siblings becoming friends and kings. Alice could revise dreams of her horrifying terror only moments ago.

"Very well, then" Henry said contently. "Mr. Dodgson, Mr. Duckworth, I trust you'll take good care of my girls. Alice, Lorina, Edith, I trust the 3 of you will not be up to any foolishness." With this confidence of Henry's dearest daughters and his best friends together, he could leave in peace. Mr. Dodgson and Reverend Duckworth climbed into the boat on one end, opening room for the 3 girls on the other end of their wooden paddle boat, up the River Thames. Alice felt as if the world would keep getting better before her eyes, even though it moved so slowly.

After hours passed of sharing stories of reality and fantasy between the two gentleman and the girls, they began to learn more of each other. Mr. Duckworth was a very kind man with noble intentions, but very strict and religious. It was clear that he wasn't exactly fond of any mischief at all, or any fun of a child for that matter. He had a very sour attitude at times, but ultimately had good intentions and did not mind the Liddell sisters…much. Mr. Dodgson, on the other hand, was a joyous spirit with a lust for life and a vast amount of knowledge. At least, that was what it seemed to the little girls. Even so, Mr. Dodgson's attitude was much more preferable than Mr. Duckworth's attitude.

Some time had passed as the girls began telling their stories of what they wished for. Lorina dreamed of a proper young lady who had fallen in love with a wealthy suitor, but all would end in tragedy for her, her lover, and the people around her. Edith wanted stories of two siblings who fought too much, but would end on a happy note. Alice's story, however, was very intriguing to Mr. Dodgson. While the two girls talked with Mr. Duckworth on one end of the boat, Alice and Mr. Dodgson talked on the other end. "Mr. Dodgson, I've had many ideas for a very fun story! Maybe you can help me make them more fun, perhaps?"

Mr. Dodgson replied to Alice, "Of course. What did you have in mind?" "Well, I had been thinking of something to put animals in. But just animals as they are aren't interesting enough. What could we do?" "Well," Mr. Dodgson began eagerly with a smile on his face, "we could take a rabbit and give it a hat and a red waistcoat. What say you to that, little Alice?" Alice began laughing lightly in full amusement. A rabbit in a hat and waistcoat! Who would have ever thought of something so absurd? It seemed brilliant to Alice. "Mr. Dodgson, that is brilliant! Let's think of more!" Alice was at her full attention now. The story was about to become very fun to her.

Mr. Dodgson was pleased as punch to see a child's contentment. He always enjoyed seeing the new age seeing brightly and clearly. Henry Liddell had raised his children quite well. "Alright, alright", Mr. Dodgson began again, with a big smile on his face, "what do you think of maybe… (And here, he gave himself time to think of the possibilities at hand) possibly… Ah! A caterpillar that wears robes and has an ill-temper, if that seems interesting enough to you?" And it was to Alice, as was made obvious by her laughter of joy and amusement at such an image. To give something as odd as a caterpillar emotions and personality was exactly what Alice enjoyed.

"Oh, you are so clever, Mr. Dodgson! I cannot wait for this story! What else could there be?" Mr. Dodgson was quite enjoying his time with Alice, as he wondered what else he could find that would amuse her. He even began laughing a small bit, which was quite unnerving for Mr. Duckworth, who, though he was paying full attention to Lorina and Edith, could still hear Alice and Mr. Dodgson's nonsense talk. And to hear Charles Dodgson laughing was quite an experience, as it was so rare that he would! He would occasionally smile, but if he laughed, it was almost once a year.

"Well, let's see what else. What is your favorite animal, little Alice?" "Hmmm…Oh, I have this adorable kitten, Dinah! Shall we add a kitten or a cat to it?" "Of course, it is our story after all. What if we were to make it smile all the time? I do notice how their mouths look almost as if they are grinning." At this, Alice still laughed a little, but not as much as before. The idea of a smiling cat seemed almost…too surreal to her. It was as if it were an actually scary ghost instead of a fun one. Not a ghost that would do tricks, but rather, the kind of ghost that would scare you half-to-death and take you back to the ghost-world with it. It sent a chill down Alice's spine. It was like putting a human face onto a cat, but that started stretching for Alice. How can an animal have human features or how could a human have animalistic features? Mr. Dodgson noticed this. "Is something wrong, Alice?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Dodgson. It just scares me a little. Animals and humans seem odd to me."

And though he knew all she had been talking about was nonsensical, Mr. Dodgson understood. "Well, what if I could draw it in a way that wouldn't be scary?" "Can you do that?" Alice asked, slightly flabbergasted. "Of course, I know a Mr. Tenniel, who is quite skilled at that sort of matter. But it's ultimately up to you." Alice agreed joyfully again. _"If it could be done, than why not do it?"_ Alice had always thought. "I promise, Miss Liddell. You will be very pleased with this story. I won't disappoint you."

And at this moment and every moment in her life and every moment in the future, everything seemed wonderful to Alice. She had two of the most caring sisters in the world, loving parents, a beautiful baby brother at home, a pet cat Dinah, and a story about her. Everything seemed as though the world would give her no huge troubles of any sort. And if those troubles were met, they would meet even happier times. Everything was perfect before the fire.


	2. Chapter 1 We All Fall Down

_Chapter 1_

_To my dear friends – Angelina, Zoe, Ellen, Susanne, Maggie, and Dan_

December 1, 1988

Alice was staring down into the dark void. It was night-time, where the half-moon was out, glowing into the window of the building so perfectly like the midnight sun. Alice had the feelings of relief, fear, delight (or moreso, delirium), and sorrow all at once. How long had it been since this had been her greatest dream? The moon shined in the tall portion of the building brightly, guiding the path her doll told her to take. She could see the beginning, but the moon wasn't bright enough to show her the end.

Alice was anxious, filled with the insecurity of unknown events to come. She hadn't known what her adventure would've been like the first time, as she had lost that chance. Alice wasn't even prepared for such a dark journey into a place she knew nothing of. Then again, that may have been the best plan, that is to say, no plan at all. When one has a plan, anything can go wrong, as it usually does. If you have nothing planned, things could go right. They may not go your way, but they could go right. If you didn't think about what you were doing for too long and just reacted, things would be much simpler. However, this isn't a simple world. Nothing in the universe is simple, whether we like it or not.

She couldn't stand waiting any longer though. She had the choice of either staying and torturing herself by staying, or trying something different. The otherworld in the hole could be her only happy place, where people would laugh and make her smile and be happy again. Maybe it would be a place where they would torture her the same way. And maybe it would just give her release. We cannot learn new things if we do not try, though.

Alice carefully walked closer and closer, her bare feet halfway on the edge of the black void. The moon still wasn't helping much to view further down the vast void flooded with blackness of the night. She held her doll tight to her chest, whose caged heart behind it was beating and pulsing hard. Her expression was cold and almost had a sign of dazed happiness, looking on into the hole. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek for no reason obvious to her. She did not attempt to wipe it away with her stretched, white sleeve. It would've hurt her bandaged hands enough as they were already.

_"No more waiting"_, Alice thought. _"I would very much like to change my current predicaments"_.

Alice leapt forward into the night.

Her strait-jacket, even though it was strapped tight around her body, felt like it was dancing in the wind as Alice descended. She knew what she had done; she knew why she had done it. But even so, she couldn't hold in her screams. She held her doll close to her chest, hoping not to lose him as she fell. She still had common sense to know that a lighter object wouldn't fall as speedily as the larger object. She was still a smart young girl, being the daughter of a college Headmaster. She flew lower and lower into the dark hole, now growing a feeling similar to that of deep regret.

After only few seconds of blackness, however, the area around her was lighting up, as though a person had turned on a light-switch that only lit the room up slowly. But it wasn't a bright white color that looked almost like yellow. It was with a thick spiral of smoky blue, closing in and backing away from Alice as she fell. Alice would have possibly thought that this was too surreal and that it may not have been the wisest of choices to fall down this hole. However, Alice didn't care. In fact, it almost fascinated her. Maybe this would be a happy place. Blue was a color that made her happy.

Alice's screams were now growing quiet, admiring the happy colors she was now seeing. But more things were coming her way. Soon, she noticed playing cards, flying up and spinning, spiraling and curling around her in the blue, getting lost and covered in the smoke. She saw the spades, aces, diamonds, jacks, clubs, kings, hearts, and queens, all spinning wildly for her to see. It gave her pleasure to look at them again and view something she had almost forgotten for 3-6 years. The cards were still spinning, but less of them were falling upwards. Yes, instead of Alice, who was descending, the cards were floating and ascending upwards to the darkness.

After the cards, Alice saw children's toys, doing the same thing: floating and spinning, spiraling upwards. She could see jacks, dice, balls, sticks, jack-in-the-boxes, puppets, and all things of the sort. This must have been her happy place. This must have been her redemption. This must have been her childhood.

And then there were knives.

Alice's happiness now grew back to terrified shrieks. She couldn't stand the knives. They served her unhappy thoughts. She tried to close in forward, but the quantity of knives were growing. She tried to dodge each one, screaming at each dodge. And without knowing it, in foolishness, a knife was about to fly up at her chest. She opened her arms to avoid it, and succeeded. But her rabbit-doll was torn. The stuffing and fluff was all falling out, its happy face melting into a crying face, flattening. "NO!!" Alice cried tearfully. "No, no, no, no, NO! Stay together!" Alice wept for her only companion in this trip.

Then something knocked her on the back of the head and rendered her unconscious. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Rabbit", she said before she passed out, staring upwards back into the hole. She must have been at the bottom now, she figured. After that, her eyes gave her the night she saw before she lost her friend. Her eyes kept themselves opened as her mind recoiled into itself.

Alice awoke several minutes later (or perhaps it was several seconds or several hours later). The blackness was washing away, as if her eyes were rising out of the sea. Alice was completely lost at what had happened. She knew that she was falling, but it seemed different then her initial experience, yet all the more real. Had she been falling at a normal pace and everything was falling all too quickly or had she been falling slowly down a long hole too quickly?

Alice looked up, as she fell flat on her back, and looked for the hole.

It was gone!

The only thing in its place was a thick layer of dirt, almost as though it should be underground where she was. Underneath her, a fresh pile of grass, almost as if she were in a meadow, was scratching her arms. She rose so that her arms would not be irritated any longer. Even still, her feet weren't harmed by this. _"Curiouser and curiouser"_, Alice thought to herself. Just then, she remembered her doll! Where had it gone!? She found the doll in front of her in the meadow of grass, noticing how they were both definitely underground, caged in a meadow with walls of dirt and no sign of a sky or clouds.

Alice didn't care about that, though. Her poor, raggedy bunny doll, with its velvet fur, button eye (it was missing one eye, and in its place, a piece of thread sewn in), and little red vest, all torn open and flattened, with its stomach line ripped.

Alice crawled up to it after gasping at the sight. Her eyes began to drown in tears once more, gasping for breaths quickly. She let her only friend die a horrible death, just so she could save herself. _"How could I? I'm…I'm a monster!"_ she thought, crying in despair. If this was her respite of death, she didn't even have a friend to be with her. She would die alone, just as she had been the day before, and the day before that and the day before that and so on and so forth.

But then, Alice felt like it would've been better. It would have been better for her friend to have died without her. Her bunny doll wouldn't have to put up with her irritating behavior. Nobody would have to now. Alice would die and nobody would care. She would leave the world at peace, and to her, she was glad to accomplish something from her death.

Now she could die from starvation, painlessly and peacefully, underground where her body would be buried. She would be offered release forever and ever and ever – quite possibly, the best thing that had happened to Alice in a long time. This sunk into Alice's mind after mourning her friend's death. She dug a hole into the patch of scratchy grass, getting dirt in her finger nails, placed the empty shell in the dirt, and closed the hole again. After a few more sobs, she began weeping herself to sleep forever.

"S-stop your duhdawdling, Alice! W-we're far too late for yehyou to mourn something of n-no importance!" a jittery and stuttering voice told her. The accent was almost Irish, which wasn't exactly a very commanding voice. Even so, the accent was very clear, yet almost nasally. Though her eyes were opened, they popped out again to see her unfriendly voice's owner.

It was a tall white rabbit, nearly her size! The rabbit wore a long, rose-red pinstriped trench-coat, which dragged along behind him like a long tail. Its body was very lanky, standing on its crooked legs, standing tall as if it had a straight spinal cord. Its face was almost like the mask of a rabbit rather than an actual rabbit itself: unmoving, as if its features were either very obtuse or they were painted on. The rabbit's eyes were the only defining thing that kept its life present, twitching and shifting about nervously and angrily. It bore a bowler hat with a triangular, bent rim on the edge, like a gentleman's pirate hat. Of the most normal things the rabbit had were white gloves (for it actually had human hands!), a monocle, a yellow vest, and spats.

It's fur, though! It's fur was the stuffing and fluff from Alice's doll! This rabbit was the living version of her friend.

Alice couldn't believe her eyes. She ran up to the rabbit, and embraced it happily. She didn't listen to or care what it said earlier. She only cared that she had her friend. She only cared that she could have a companion in her journeys and her life.

The rabbit was confused by this odd act of affection that he didn't care for. Well, judging on where Alice had been, he couldn't entirely blame her reactions. "What? Nyagh! Alice, pay attention! F-follow muhme and don't g-get lost!" he snapped as he pushed her away. Alice was confused by the rabbit's lack of care. She wanted an answer for this, and the best person to give her this answer was the rabbit itself.

However, the white rabbit was already hopping off into the dirt. And, what seemed like the most fascinating thing to her at the moment, he burrowed through the dirt and made an even deeper hole. The hole was sucking everything in the meadow into it, even Alice.

Alice leapt forward into her journey with a saddened and angered face, following the rabbit further down.


End file.
